taking a step back...

have you ever taken a step back and asked yourself if this is right? sometimes when i can't sleep, i stay up at night just thinking and reflecting...analyzing and plotting my next move.

since i last wrote in this blog, i didnt have a gf. now i do. prior to all that, i was single for quite some time. i guess i was too picky or maybe the field just had slim pickings...perhaps i was still hopelessly fantasizing about some dream girl. for a while there, i was just down in the dumps. what kept me going was the hope that one day i could actually find someone i could really love and cherish. i remember going to the clubs and bars and coming back thinking how shitty tonight was. a lot of the times the girls we encountered were really busted, and i was thinking to myself i wish i could really fastforward time and find my wife. i would rather spend my time spoiling and cherishing a girl i really like rather than these hoes. i'll be honest...i've never really had a serious relationship with anyone, and i really wanted to change that about myself. it's not that i cant settle down...it's really because i havent found that person to settle down with.

4 years later and hopefully somewhat wiser, i feel like i'm still stuck in the same rut. yet a bit deeper... now held down and trapped by a little thing called a relationship. i now have a gf who really likes me but can i reciprocate the same feelings towards her? can i settle down with a girl who i know isnt the one? have you ever felt the same way? am i just settling? am i just wasting my time? it's funny...i have money and with that, comes with some power. yet, i try falling asleep every night thinking i'm the lonliest and weakest person alive.

HELP!

if there is a God out there, please watch over my family. i will be forever in your debt.

comfortable

sleeping 12 hours straight without interuption never felt so good :)

i am a beast that cannot be controlled anymore. it's becoming so clear to me what needs to be done.

*last week in the cape*** piece of cake.

Has anyone ever tried dog before?

*WiReD*

back from foxwoods! happy birthday zid! how old are you again? haha, blackjack tables gave me a good butt kicking last night. nevertheless, definitely good times with my new york boys ...too bad i have no pics to prove it. anyway, got back to the cape at 6:30am, and i'm already back into circulation at 8:30am. i am very wired today... so don't fuck with me!

*current mood: feeling the effects of unsatisfactory sleep

1st attempt: FAIL

3 weeks gone without a cig... then 1 night i had a cig ... my head got dizzy and now im afraid im fucking hooked again!!!

i'm convinced the urge to smoke never goes away...

1st attempt (09/03/2008 ~09/25/2008): 22 days
lesson learned: cold turkey is hard but not impossible.

2nd attempt (date to be announced later): ???

*yea i know what you're thinking...weak sauce huh?

well, F U !