ya think ya slick but you ain't.

let's rock and roll today . . .

"so what do you want to do tonight brain?"

"what we do every night, pinky."

"what's that?"

"TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

RANDOM VID OF THE DAY ~ "Gone fishin' in Hyannis"

the ex effect

i've always found encountering an ex-girlfriend to be a strange situation. i guess it's hard for me to understand two people who once shared a romance together are now nothing more but mere strangers. the joys, the heartaches, the times spent together from a past once cherished are now but a broken recollection of events, only to be reminisced through a fading memory. i try my best to think of people in a good light while not focusing too much on impurities. i'm not entirely sure how my brain works; how some things i can remember vividly like it happened yesterday while other things are a complete blank. what i do know is that when i actually do run into an old flame, i can only remember good things about her. i guess it's just my way of making peace with our past situation or what's left of it. truthfully, i was really confused at first and did not know what to make of it. why can i only remember good things about her and our relationship when knowingly there were some rocky roads? i wasn't sure if i just had a poor memory...or if my feelings were getting rekindled...or simply if i just wanted to bump uglies again for old time's sake.

i do know now. sorta. there is a saying out there, which is "to forgive but never forget". somehow, i've always managed to do both: to forgive and to forget. as corny as it sounds, deep down inside, each of my ex-girlfriends have a special place in my heart. be not mistaken, there is no room in my heart for hate.

finally, after all that introspection, i've come to the conclusion that it is useless to be bitter about a past relationship. i once had an ex-girlfriend who knew me inside and out; i mean literally can predict what i was gonna do before i even did it, which was creepy at times. regardless, i don't think i could ever genuinely hate someone who was that close to me before. in the end or in the beginning or whatever, we're all in it for the love. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

back in the bean.

when i'm in the cape, i always think about coming back home to boston. so right now, i'm actually back home, and there isn't anything to do. i guess it's naive of me to think that i can just pick up things right where i left them off. the house feels empty and desserted, though relaxing in a way. i woke up this morning feeling a bit dazed from last night's activities.

it was a sunny morning so i decided to sit out on the porch. i sat down and began reflecting. the victory judgement produced to us yesterday was the final nail in the coffin. case closed, and there is definitely a lot more to smile about now. i did a lot of serious thinking about that. no matter how deep or twisted my thoughts went, i could not help but notice how beautiful the trees were. they were taller, greener, and they actually had leaves. though summers in the cape are lovely, i miss summers here back in newton.

coincidentally, my time back home overlaps chen's birthday. though nothing was planned, i think his birthday celebrations worked out exactly how he wanted it to be. when it comes down to stuff like this, he's really simple about it, and that's the great thing about him: simplicity... happy birthday you goofy mother effer. i know you're hiding behind the computer and reading this right now. so in honor of your bday, i'm going to dedicate half this blog entry to you.

winter afternoon in guilin.

at the crossroads...

yesterday i was presented with an enticing proposition: to run and own another hyannis inn with a bar and restaurant. at first glance, i could see dollar signs glaring in my eyes. the thought of another hotel on main street could be strategically a huge advantage for us. but after meticulous considerations, i've reached a preliminary conclusion that begs the question: how long do you want to be in cape cod for?

though i can imagine a few more summers here, i'm not sure if this is it...that if i'm ready to settle down and expand here. i'm more of a city person anyway. i miss home and life there but then again, staying here would be simply all about money and stability. i was asked once by a simple man, would you rather be extremely happy and content but poor...or very wealthy but extremely miserable. to me, this was a no brainer; i can buy happiness with money i thought.

throughout my years working here, i find myself rethinking this. at this point, i work half the year and the other half, i pretty much have off and just relax. girls just seem to come and go in my life. friends become more and more distant every time i come back. at this stage in my life, i'm just looking for a balance. a balance between these two extremes. though i'm all about being absolut, i find myself at the crossroads now, torn between which direction to take on. i think i'll get extremely baked and think about this for a bit.

i don't know. i need a stress reliever now.

i get the last laugh.

...哈哈哈

there's nothing worse on a sunny day than a sore thumb.

June 1st

It's June 1st. 5 more months left in the cape. what keeps me going is life after the cape.

*pause***

thinking of sitting up in a beach in sunny phuket.
thinking of eating freshly picked fruit in LA.
thinking of letting it all hang at the black jack tables in vegas.
thinking of the cold nights in boston where clubbing is the only thing to do at night.
thinking of finally visiting my boys in nyc.
thinking of me, zid, and chen going to porter square for a bowl of ramen on a random monday afternoon.
just thinking man....that's what keeping me going.