if there is a God out there, please watch over my family. i will be forever in your debt.

comfortable

sleeping 12 hours straight without interuption never felt so good :)

i am a beast that cannot be controlled anymore. it's becoming so clear to me what needs to be done.

*last week in the cape*** piece of cake.

Has anyone ever tried dog before?

*WiReD*

back from foxwoods! happy birthday zid! how old are you again? haha, blackjack tables gave me a good butt kicking last night. nevertheless, definitely good times with my new york boys ...too bad i have no pics to prove it. anyway, got back to the cape at 6:30am, and i'm already back into circulation at 8:30am. i am very wired today... so don't fuck with me!

*current mood: feeling the effects of unsatisfactory sleep

1st attempt: FAIL

3 weeks gone without a cig... then 1 night i had a cig ... my head got dizzy and now im afraid im fucking hooked again!!!

i'm convinced the urge to smoke never goes away...

1st attempt (09/03/2008 ~09/25/2008): 22 days
lesson learned: cold turkey is hard but not impossible.

2nd attempt (date to be announced later): ???

*yea i know what you're thinking...weak sauce huh?

well, F U !

what i wouldnt give to smoke a delicious, mouth watering cigarette right now? just one juicy puff to calm me down... AHHH...

driving in circles.

it's mid-september. it still amazes me that a lot of people still tour cape cod during the off season. i took a drive the other day to clear my mind. i just kept on driving and allowed the road to lead me to my destination. i wanted to get lost. my mood at the time was my compass...wherever it felt going. i just wanted to get away from the property, that's all. though i was probably just wasting gas, driving made me reflect on my life these past several years. i feel as though not much has changed in my life. i've been following the same schedule every year since i've graduated college. sure the money is good but what good is money if you're not living life to the fullest. that's how i feel right now. there's so many sights and sounds in the world i have yet to experience. yet, i sit here behind in cape cod...feeling as though as my life is passing me by. it's too slow paced down here. the relaxed cape cod atmosphere forces people to "take it easy" here...while me on the other hand, i like the hustle and bustle. i want my life to be lived on a fast track.

i would have never imagined myself being in this position if you had asked me in high school. given all this, i'm still okay with this. i just need to vent sometimes. after all, it is a half year gig . i did eventually get lost driving but it was a beautiful thing though. cape cod is filled with many meandering roads and picturesque villages. i stopped by mayflower beach (my favorite) on the way back and smoked my last cigarette there. i took a big whiff of that sea salt air and walked toward the crashing waves. with all my might, i hurled my half pack of parliaments into the water and let the current take it away. far away. far away from me. the tossing of my cigarettes in the ocean symbolized the ending of the "smoking is cool" stage.

since jim went back to boston to "chill" for the weekend, i am alone working the front once again. it is nostalgic of the last 2 years working in the off season. rewarding but very boring. i am reminded of two goals i have set for myself last year. first was to lose weight and get back in shape and second was to quit cigs. it's been 1 year exactly since i looked at myself in the mirror and vowed these changes upon myself. tonight, exactly the same time as last year, i'm gonna look at myself in the mirror once again. will i like what i see in the mirror this time around?

aside from my boyish good looks, probably not.

so tonight... i will vow two more goals to complete this year. i'll do this every year, whatever it takes . . . until i am truly content.

it's been 5 days since i had my last cigarette. i feel like beating someone up.

nyc for h-dawg's bday

it's finally september. things are starting to slow down but that's as expected. i just came back from a much needed break. now i'm energized to finish up this season the right way. so me and zid went down to nyc over labor day weekend for harry's birthday. it's been a while since i last saw my college friends, probably years. sometimes i wish we could relive those allston street days. those were some good times. i remember waking up on saturday mornings, hungover and birds chirping near the windows. i would just go to the living room to watch some tv. as always from the night before, the living room table would be covered with empty beer bottles and chinese take-out. man, did we party like wild animals back in the days. as i would lay there on the couch flipping channels, i would just remember how the rest of the guys would slowly wake up from their drunken somber and convene in the living room. we were so young, energetic, and so eager to have fun. that's what i miss about allston street the most. it was those chats we used to have in the living room, where we would just shoot the shit and crack jokes about the funniest shit. i thought of this on our way down, and it made me even more excited to go see the boys. because of the traffic and our gambling urges, we decided to take a slight detour to foxwoods. though we both came out winners, i came to the realization that i really do suck at poker but fuckin' nasty in blackjack. we stayed for only a mere 3 hours and we left with smiles and a gambling high that would last until we arrived in nyc. we sped like speedy racer until we got to our destination at midnight. nyc is just as i remembered it: busy, unfriendly, and dark and bright at the same time. we went clubbing the first night. by the time me and zid actually got there, most of the guys were already fucked up beyond belief which proved to be a bummer. the club, however, was pretty decent.

the next few nights consisted of more or less the same stuff. sleeping in on the mornings. eating and shopping during the afternoons. on saturday night, we had a special steak dinner for harry's birthday. though times have fast forwarded like 4 years later, it's really good to know we can still chill like old times. just chilling and talking with them made me realize how much they have changed since allston. i mean, some of them are already married, expecting, and buying houses. hahaha...while i heard all this, i just sat there thinking...wow i'm not changed at all. though i had a really fun time in nyc, i drove back home with the realization that i need to get my shit together. anyway, i'll post a blog later about that. to my boys in nyc, good luck with the future and we'll meet up again to chill like old times for sure!!!

one puff and it's all up in smoke . . .

If you stand in one place long enough, the world will come to you.

it's always the quiet ones . . .

don't ever let someone know you are smarter than them. cherish your intelligence. let them think you are stupid. you know you're not. deep inside, you know you're smart, very smart. you know what your intelligence is capable of and how powerful of an advantage that is. but don't show them. don't ever show it. just like in poker, don't ever show your dealt hands. once you let someone know how truly smart you really are, you have already compromised your biggest strength to now your biggest vulnerability. people look smarter than you think. that's because they are. they really are smarter than you think.

China wins Gold!

China has the Olympic title it has long craved and everyone else expected. The Americans, meanwhile, won the bronze with a roster patched together at the last minute. Japan, the defending Olympic champion, won the silver.

China finished with 286.125 points, more than seven points ahead of Japan. That’s such a blowout the Chinese could have brought three fans in for the last event and still won. The Americans had 275.850.

China’s triumph was as much a vindication as a coronation. It ended a four-year journey built on the failures of Athens, and carried through a crucible of unfathomable expectations. The Chinese arrived at the Beijing Games as such overwhelming favorites that anything less than a spectacular gold-medal performance would not have been enough.

Mission accomplished—magnificently.

The failure 4 years ago fueled China, as did all those chants of “加油” that rang out throughout the arena yesterday night. And it sure was China's moment last night. Be proud.

sometimes i really hate myself.

08/08/08 08:08:08 PM beijing olympics opening ceremony

mad chinese pride yesterday night.

中国加油!

















加油! 加油! 加油!

what's a drunk night without late night wendy's?

kicking the habit...step 1

it seemed only yesterday when we hopped that fence. it was an unusually cold and bitter night during our high school days where the only thing on our minds was drinking. we didn't know it then but every time we hopped that fence, we left a part of our innocence behind on the other side of the fence. being underaged and all, we needed a secret spot where we can just kick it and drink and not be bothered by anyone. it was there behind the snow covered brush ... among the fallen pine needles on the ground where we found our comfort ... a place where we experimented with alcohol and put our young livers to the test ... a place where we would trade bullshit stories around about almost anything ... a place that lives in high school infamy... a place we like to call "the hill".

now, it was that night at "the hill" where i tried my first cigarette. i'm not even sure what prompted me to try smoking and even more clueless as to who provided me with butts that night. but you ask any smoker. no one tries to remember their first smoking experience. it's something we, smokers, try not to reminisice about. it's not something we're particularly proud of anyway. in fact, i dont know one smoker who doesn't wanna quit.

anyway, for as long as i can remember, i've always hated the smell of cigarette smoke. my dad used to smoke heavily and still does but has cut down dramatically over the years. kent 100's soft pack. i remember when me and my brother used to steal his cigarettes and destroy them, usually drenching them in water. but there i was that night, puffing away at a seemingly harmless marlboro menthol that got me hooked on nicotine still to this day.

it's not something i planned on either. i would much rather sit here and tell you that i'm smoke-free now. i want to tell you about being able to hustle up stairs, or that my clothes don't stink or how good food tastes, but in reality the biggest thing about being smoke-free, aside from physical health, is purely psychological - i want to be free from an addiction. i want my life not to revolve around smoking. that speaks louder than anything else.

you have to want it more than anything else. most people who smoke like smoking, even if they really can't see why anymore. the satisfaction factor for their cravings has earned the title of "something i like to do". and for a long time, it was something i did enjoy doing.

but all that is slowly changing for me. though i still continue to smoke and have those urges, i now have a strong desire to quit. it's just something i don't want in my life anymore. but i'm not going to start today or tomorrow or next week for that matter. the time is nearing soon though. i've been told by an exsmoker to take it one step at a time and that my friend, i am. as ironically pathetic as it sounds, this blog entry will be my first step in kicking the habit for good.

i want to do something RANDY today. something SICK RANDY.

today is definitely a lazy day.

"Can I help you?!"

miss venezuela is miss universe 2008

the 57th miss universe beauty pageant, was held at the diamond bay resort in nha trang, vietnam on July 14, 2008 where dayana mendoza, miss venezuela, was crowned by last year's titleholder riyo mori of japan. eighty contestants competed in the event which was broadcasted and distributed globally in more than 180 countries.

the pageant was watched by a live audience of 7,500 and nearly a billion television viewers worldwide. this is also the first time that the miss universe pageant was broadcasted in 1080i and man, i wish i had HD down here. oh yeah, my man, jerry springer and melanie brown, a.k.a. “scary spice” was holding it down as the presentors in this year’s competition which was pretty entertaining. there's really not much to talk about here except this is just gonna be a picture entry.

Final Results

Miss Universe 2008
Venezuela - Dayana Mendoza

1st Runner-up
Colombia - Taliana Vargas

2nd Runner-up
Dominican Republic - Marianne Cruz

3rd Runner-up
Russia - Vera Krasova

4th Runner-up
Mexico - Elisa Najera

Finalists
Australia- Laura Dundovic

Italy - Claudia Ferraris

Kosovo - Zana Krasniqi

Spain - Claudia Moro

USA - Crystle Stewart

Semifinalists
Czech Republic - Eliška Bučková

Hungary - Jázmin Dammak

Japan - Hiroko Mima

South Africa - Tanzey Coetzee

Vietnam - Nguyễn Thùy Lâm

Ain't representing without giving props to my girl, Miss China, Ziya Wei.

waikiki beach?

this morning i had a very amusing conversation with this really cool lady from hawaii. the first thing she asked me was if i was originally from hawaii. strange enough, this has been like the 100th time someone has asked me that. i shook my head with a smile and told her i was in fact from the cape cod area. she continued to tell me that i would fit right in hawaii, because i look like the majority of the people there: asian, tanned, and very friendly. it is the "melting pot of the pacific": delicious asian food, the most beautiful beaches, warm weather, and great night entertainment. i think this lady just talked me into going to hawaii this year! has anyone ever been to waikiki beach?

though i was raised in jewton, i was never taught to be a jew.

let me explain the situation first.

it's friday afternoon in hyannis. i'm working the front desk alone. a bit bored for the moment because there wasn't really much going on. in comes a couple of young love birds . . . typical of a 2 nighter king reservation. when i asked for a credit card for payment, they looked at each other dumbfoundedly. an awkward moment of weirdness then took over the mood.

the guy then sacrifices his pride and dignity and asks if they can split the room payment between him and his girlfriend. sure no problem i politely answered. the frugal nature of this guy disgusted me. sadly, this wasn't the first time some cheap ass loser asked me to split the bill between him and his girl. it's a true yet disappointing trend we have in society nowadays. i shook my head in dismay again while at the same time trying to come to terms with his jewish mentality. i just couldn't.

the guy then starts yapping away about how his girlfriend owes him $15 for dinner the other night and how he owed her $40 for some whale watching tickets. they went on and on about oweing each other money and this and that...plus and minus...carry the 4 and mulitply by 2...whatever. all of it seemed so juvenile...so frickin' petty.

to me, a relationship should be about sharing. of course there are limits to this. but for the shit they were debating about, it seemed hardly worth it to even mention it.. if i ever become like that, please someone shoot me between the legs and inject me with some serious testosterone.

my thoughts might seem a bit exaggerated. it just angers me to see this kind of gypsy-like behavior. if you know anything about me, i was raised to be traditional. so naturally, splitting bills, 50/50, and guys not being gentlemen are alien ideas to me. this pathetic excuse for a guy couldnt even pay for a room that he will spend the next 2 nights with his girl.

in conclusion, this is a lesson to be learned to all of you guys who are reading this, especially to my fellow yellow brothas. it never pays to be cheap... period. it just doesn't seem ethically correct. a man who is proud is a successful and respected individual in my book... once the guy becomes cheap with his girl, all of his pride is then stripped away from him.

and then what else is left? in the end, a guy who is robbed of his pride isn't really considered a guy anymore. instead, he is transformed into a powerless girly man who should be shunned away from pussy for all the days he lives. the end.

How to make a Cape Codder

Want to impress a lady or your friends with a refreshing and sweet cocktail?

For one of the simplest and most refreshing drinks around, nothing surpasses a Cape Codder. Named for the area of Massachusetts where it began as a bar special, a classic Cape Codder is a perennial summer favorite.

3 ounces absolut vodka

4 ounces cranberry juice

1 slice of lime

Combine the vodka and cranberry juice over ice in a chilled highball glass. Garnish with a lime wedge and serve.

"KING KONG... AIN'T GOT NOTHIN'... ON ME! AAAAAGHHHHHH!" -B RAD

Current Feeling: Invincible

90 degree weather all this week... i'm sweating balls.

2008 nathan's hot dog eating contest

what's july 4th without watching a select group of people eat a disturbing amount of hot dogs at nathan's hot dog eating contest in cony island?

ever since i was a kid, i've been watching this contest every 4th of july. somehow, i am just fascinated with people eating massive amounts of food in a short period of time. i'm sure with some practice at buffets and an 8th of weed, i too can eat 59 hotdogs in 10 minutes. this year's contest went into overtime with joey chesnut and my man, kobayashi. i've seen kobayashi eat before. a couple of years back, mtv true life did a skit on him. man, he puts fat people to shame.

kobayashi expands his stomach for a competition by eating larger and larger amounts of food, and then exercises to ensure that fat will not impede expansion of his stomach during a competition. by training with weights and working out, kobayashi has increased his metabolism, which in turn has helped him to burn more calories. this training is used by kobayashi to maintain his overall health as well as helping him to prevent excess calories from being stored as fat. there is no question he is a legend in the world of competetive eating.

however, joey chestnut has reclaimed the top spot this year again after first tying with archrival takeru kobayashi in a 10-minute chow-down and then beating him in a five-dog eat-off. the men tied at 59 frankfurters in 10 minutes, before being made to gobble another five dogs in a last-minute tiebreaker. they consumed 64 hot dogs total and were looking quite peaked after the competition. their competitors also included a pizza cook from new york city, a fishmonger from chicago and a 110-pound mother of two from maryland.

"hot dogs are extremely unhealthy, especially when eaten at high volume," says dr. marc siegel, a professor at new york university school of medicine."they're really processed, they have high cholesterol and too much salt."

and thanks to the quantities the competitors ate, they'll likely suffer nausea, bloat, headache, and possibly high blood pressure for several days as the body slowly digests the food.

"one is bad for you, five's worse and 50 is terrible," he said.

but any gastrointestinal woes won't deter kobayashi. he says he'll be back for a rematch next year. before that, the two, chesnut and kobayashi, will face off again at the krystal square off world hamburger eating championship sept. 28 in chattanooga, tenn.

where's the sun this July 4th?

summer in the cape is in full swing. the real tourists are here, as evidenced by the sheer number of cars and people on main street. the weather is sunny but breezy, which is typical for a comfortable cape cod afternoon. as i gaze out in the outdoor pool and see the little kids playing in the water, i can't but help feel good about myself. the absolute best thing about working here is knowing you are part of someone's vacation and knowing you can make a difference. for a brief moment, i'm at a stand-still.

both phone and online reservations are pouring in. with the exception of june, sales per month are at a dramatic increase. at the current pace, i have set my goal to be a 150k increase for 2008 sales. to do this, i have set aside 2 strategies. in season, i will keep rates high, push for multi-night reservations, and block online third party bookings. off season, i will implement a low price, high volume strategy. both strategeties will constitute me being aggressive and aggressive i shall be.

i'm starting to really notice and appreciate our repeat clientele. it is quite a pleasure to see guests return every year, a positive indication that we're doing something right. i am still quite impressed with the range of guests that stay here; literally people from all walks of life orginating from all parts of the world. definitely a cool scene.

recently, i am proud to say we have completed our 6 room project. we have added 4 two double bedrooms and 2 suites. with the summer demand always at a high, these extra rooms will provide a much desired source of revenue. check it out for yourself:

2 bedroom suite containing 1 room w/ 2 double beds and 1 room with 1 king size bed.

the living room and kitchen area.

renovated 2 double beds.

ya think ya slick but you ain't.

let's rock and roll today . . .

"so what do you want to do tonight brain?"

"what we do every night, pinky."

"what's that?"

"TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

RANDOM VID OF THE DAY ~ "Gone fishin' in Hyannis"

the ex effect

i've always found encountering an ex-girlfriend to be a strange situation. i guess it's hard for me to understand two people who once shared a romance together are now nothing more but mere strangers. the joys, the heartaches, the times spent together from a past once cherished are now but a broken recollection of events, only to be reminisced through a fading memory. i try my best to think of people in a good light while not focusing too much on impurities. i'm not entirely sure how my brain works; how some things i can remember vividly like it happened yesterday while other things are a complete blank. what i do know is that when i actually do run into an old flame, i can only remember good things about her. i guess it's just my way of making peace with our past situation or what's left of it. truthfully, i was really confused at first and did not know what to make of it. why can i only remember good things about her and our relationship when knowingly there were some rocky roads? i wasn't sure if i just had a poor memory...or if my feelings were getting rekindled...or simply if i just wanted to bump uglies again for old time's sake.

i do know now. sorta. there is a saying out there, which is "to forgive but never forget". somehow, i've always managed to do both: to forgive and to forget. as corny as it sounds, deep down inside, each of my ex-girlfriends have a special place in my heart. be not mistaken, there is no room in my heart for hate.

finally, after all that introspection, i've come to the conclusion that it is useless to be bitter about a past relationship. i once had an ex-girlfriend who knew me inside and out; i mean literally can predict what i was gonna do before i even did it, which was creepy at times. regardless, i don't think i could ever genuinely hate someone who was that close to me before. in the end or in the beginning or whatever, we're all in it for the love. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

back in the bean.

when i'm in the cape, i always think about coming back home to boston. so right now, i'm actually back home, and there isn't anything to do. i guess it's naive of me to think that i can just pick up things right where i left them off. the house feels empty and desserted, though relaxing in a way. i woke up this morning feeling a bit dazed from last night's activities.

it was a sunny morning so i decided to sit out on the porch. i sat down and began reflecting. the victory judgement produced to us yesterday was the final nail in the coffin. case closed, and there is definitely a lot more to smile about now. i did a lot of serious thinking about that. no matter how deep or twisted my thoughts went, i could not help but notice how beautiful the trees were. they were taller, greener, and they actually had leaves. though summers in the cape are lovely, i miss summers here back in newton.

coincidentally, my time back home overlaps chen's birthday. though nothing was planned, i think his birthday celebrations worked out exactly how he wanted it to be. when it comes down to stuff like this, he's really simple about it, and that's the great thing about him: simplicity... happy birthday you goofy mother effer. i know you're hiding behind the computer and reading this right now. so in honor of your bday, i'm going to dedicate half this blog entry to you.

winter afternoon in guilin.

at the crossroads...

yesterday i was presented with an enticing proposition: to run and own another hyannis inn with a bar and restaurant. at first glance, i could see dollar signs glaring in my eyes. the thought of another hotel on main street could be strategically a huge advantage for us. but after meticulous considerations, i've reached a preliminary conclusion that begs the question: how long do you want to be in cape cod for?

though i can imagine a few more summers here, i'm not sure if this is it...that if i'm ready to settle down and expand here. i'm more of a city person anyway. i miss home and life there but then again, staying here would be simply all about money and stability. i was asked once by a simple man, would you rather be extremely happy and content but poor...or very wealthy but extremely miserable. to me, this was a no brainer; i can buy happiness with money i thought.

throughout my years working here, i find myself rethinking this. at this point, i work half the year and the other half, i pretty much have off and just relax. girls just seem to come and go in my life. friends become more and more distant every time i come back. at this stage in my life, i'm just looking for a balance. a balance between these two extremes. though i'm all about being absolut, i find myself at the crossroads now, torn between which direction to take on. i think i'll get extremely baked and think about this for a bit.

i don't know. i need a stress reliever now.

i get the last laugh.

...哈哈哈

there's nothing worse on a sunny day than a sore thumb.

June 1st

It's June 1st. 5 more months left in the cape. what keeps me going is life after the cape.

*pause***

thinking of sitting up in a beach in sunny phuket.
thinking of eating freshly picked fruit in LA.
thinking of letting it all hang at the black jack tables in vegas.
thinking of the cold nights in boston where clubbing is the only thing to do at night.
thinking of finally visiting my boys in nyc.
thinking of me, zid, and chen going to porter square for a bowl of ramen on a random monday afternoon.
just thinking man....that's what keeping me going.

amazement

holy shit, the celtics are in the nba finals!

sometimes love and hate are this far apart.

everyone has a story to tell.

back to square one

mr. chan

ever since i've turned 24 years old two days ago, more people are starting to call me 'sir' or 'mr. chan'. like 'thank you sir' or 'how are you doing mr. chan' ... before i was getting called 'buddy' or 'pal' or even 'kid'... it was pretty weird at first. people have always been telling me that i look young... maybe i'll start growing a beard.

~ so high i can touch the sky ~

在家干里好
出路半朝难

my birthday

holy shit, i'm 24!

have you ever walked into some place and said to yourself, "i think i've just entered the twilight zone..."

tolerance and patience are virtues i need to master.

I think I think too much.

Doodle 4 Google

Doodle 4 Google is a competition where Google invited K-12 students to reinvent Google's homepage logo. This year Google asked U.S. kids to doodle around the theme "What if...?"

The winning doodle, selected from over 16,000 entries, was created by Grace Moon, a 6th grader at Canyon Middle School from Castro Valley, California. Grace's lovely doodle, "Up in the Clouds," has graced the homepage, Google.com, on May 22nd, 2008.

Up in the Clouds

My doodle, "Up in the Clouds," expresses a world in the sky. This new world is clean and fresh, and people are social and enlightened. Every person here is treated as family no matter who they are. The bright sun heats this ideal place with warmth, love, and brightens everyone's day.

- Grace Moon

Grace Moon’s perfect world is a place full of bright colors and sunshine, a place without violence or natural disasters, a place of peace and happiness. And on Thursday, it was a place that 100 million people got to visit. Hmmm, I like this idea of happy thoughts. Just perfect.